Looking at the End

 I'm starting this blog as it is just too much for a Face Book post.  

AnnMarie and I have been looking after my mum for a little over 6 years now.  As of late it has moved from merely keeping an eye on her and running errands to full time personal care.  Fortunately in the American system Medicare provides for end of life care so we have daily visits from a Certified Nursing Assistant, and biweekly visits by a Registered Nurse and monthly visits from a Nursing Practitioner.  But the lion's share of her care still falls on us.  

I hope this doesn't come across as either tooting our own horns or "poor us".  I just thought that it would be good to write some of this down for both reflection and sharing with others who one day may find themselves in the same situation.  

In 2013 AnnMarie and I found ourselves caring for my mother-in-law, Virginia, who had COPD and had developed a cancer in one of her very crappy lungs. She entered into in home hospice care much as we are now doing with my mother Barbara. But Virginia required 24-7 attendance because she was always on the verge of drowning in her own fluids and we had to be there to use a vacuum device to suck it up .  What was going to be just a few weeks turned into 6 months.  It was the most exhausting thing we have ever done.

Well a couple of years later AnnMarie looked at me and said, "Well, you have a mother."  Which was her offering to care my my aging mother.  My mother had broken her hip, a heart attack and a mild stroke. She had mostly recovered but had never got to the place of walking without assistance.  Her frailty and her fear of falling have kept her captive from independent living.  Whenever she walked with her walker (a wheeled contraption with handlebars and a seat to sit on if she were tired) she gripped the handles so hard and leaned on it so much that she caused herself needless pain in her back and arms.

It has been a challenge for the two of us.  AnnMarie was the woman I wasn't supposed to marry and you know how some mothers feel the need to continue to correct you well past your coming into adulthood.  Nothing like being 60 something and have your mother take exception to where I worked, how I dressed, who I married and how I wore my hair.

Our answer to this was service.  We are both reminded of the Commandment to honor thy parents.  What better way to honor one's parents, even when they cannot recognize you for who you have become than to serve them in the power of the Holy Spirit. We may not always like the way our parents treat us but we can always choose to respond with respect, love and kindness. 

But we have learned that such service is quite difficult without submission to God's will and acceptance of His Power in the Holy Spirit.  We believe that it is also God's Grace and Mercy that permit us to care for her the way we do.