Vain Imaginings

 

Every day seems to bring new adventures with mum.  Last night she kept AnnMarie up until 4:00 AM and then shortly after I got up and tended to her needs while I got ready for church.  There were a lot of interruptions. Mostly wanting drinks then tea and then changing her mind.  I didn’t have too much to do.  I had recorded my sermon and posted it on Youtube and FaceBook.  But then the Windows laptop decided that it didn’t want to wake up after putting the screen to black.  So a rude exit followed by a hard reboot got me back up and running.

Fortunately I have a small Chromebook notebook that I was able to finish reformatting my message for Chrome after writing it in Powerpoint.  Part of this has to do with the format I need for the recording format I use with the streaming software.  Then for Sunday I can use the full screen for my presentation.  But I digress.

So after all the errands for mum, I was able to have a bit of breakfast and a shower then it was time to wake AnnMarie up so I could go to church.  AnnMarie sat with mum the whole time I was gone and there were lots of strange conversations.

When I got home, mum kept going on about wanting to go home to her room upstairs (we live in a one-story home).  She was waiting for the firemen to come by and transport her to her proper bed.  There were also requests to sit in a chair, but alas I am not strong enough to move her from the bed to a chair, which she wouldn’t be able to sit up anyway; she is a bit of a wet noodle nowadays.   

There were also a lot of conversations about how her previous doctor was coming by.  She has been seeing a mouse lately.  She said it was in the closet yesterday, today it was sitting at the end of the bed.  Again she has been having conversations with people not in the room and sometimes she just goes on about incomprehensible things (her teeth are out to give her mouth a rest so sometimes she is pretty hard to fully understand).

We have been using a thickener in her drinks to prevent her from choking on or aspirating her drinks. Of course that means it doesn’t feel right in her mouth, so we have been switching between various fluids (water, juice, tea and water) trying to keep her hydrated.  She hasn’t had solid food for a couple of weeks now.  She can’t even keep yogurt down.  But that doesn’t keep her from asking for things like apple pie or pizza.  If I give in and give her something solid,  I end up on vomit watch, because invariably it comes back up. 

She fixates on one thing after another.  First she wants to go home, then she wants apple pie in the sky, then it is somebody she hasn’t seen for months that has been talking to her.  Just now she was worried about her wedding ring, then she became nauseous, or reported so.  And then she begins to worry about upsetting the nonexistent cleaning staff.  

Everything needs to be taken with a grain of salt but still I still try to hear her out without completely discounting her.  This just seems to be part of her cycle.  She sleeps for 22 hours a day then she wakes up agitated and goes on and on about random things.  We are hoping that all this rambing on will wear her out so that we might get some sleep tonight.  Although I think we really don’t rest well together because we are half listening to see if there is some crisis or need.  I think we sleep a bit better when we take turns watching her at night.  If I didn’t have a day job, I think we would just take shifts like we did with AnnMarie’s mum.

Now she's back on the “I want to get out of this room” thing.  And then she thinks she is being punished for some stunt she pulled.  And it goes on and on as her brain tries to make sense out of why she is uncomfortable.  We have medications to help her relax, but they do not always give the desired effect.  So just try to wait this out until she settles back down.

We covet your prayers to help us keep our sanity and to not lose patience with her.  I know that she isn’t doing this to be difficult, she is just not fully in her right mind.  

But a funny side note.  In all the years that I have been a Pastor she has never been truly interested in what I do.  She would politely ask how my service went, but she wasn’t interested in what I taught until this morning.  Suddenly she was asking me about what I was actually doing on this particular Sunday.  So AnnMarie put my sermon up on YouTube in the bedroom.  But eventually she asked AnnMarie, “Why does this guy keep talking and talking?”  And that was the end of that. SMH.

I could ramble on and on about how she keeps saying that someone wants to charge her $25 to help her stand up, or how she complains about how her drinks are all wrong, but I will sign off for now.  

Thanks for reading my ramblings today.  Trusting that with Jesus by our sides that we can see our way this interesting time.

Your friends,

Alan & AnnMarie

P.S. She raved all night long. We were able to get some sleep, but she was still at it at 4:30. I got up to tend to her and AnnMarie changed her briefs and went back to sleep. I hope we find people to be kind to us in our final hours on earth, but if not, we have our hope in Jesus to carry us through.

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